THIS FIRST-EVER MID-WEEK SPECIAL EDITION is being released because of breaking news and other important announcements.

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TORNADO DESTROYS CLASSROOMS
"IT SOUNDED LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN," reported a local resident. A freak tornado hit Tallwood and cleared a swath almost as cleanly as a bulldozer would have done for a new road, completely destroying, even blowing away both modular classrooms (TA-3 and TA-2) as well as the Landscaping Committee's new tool shed. Fortunately, TA-1 and the rest of the Tallwood Annex building, including the social room, annex and office, and the Smallwood restrooms building were undamaged. The After image in the banner image at the top of this issue shows what happened.
      After holding an emergency meeting, the Board canceled Tallwood classes for this week (Lake Anne classes are unaffected) and voted to authorize the expenditure of all $50,000 in the Rainy Day Fund and all unobligated Friends of OLLI funds (currently, about $5,670) to re-build. The executive director will be working closely with Mason to come up with temporary classroom space on the Fairfax campus to accommodate Tallwood classes. We fully expect classes to resume as scheduled starting next week, at Mason locations to be determined.

Good news: After being informed about what had happened, the Osher Foundation responded immediately by pledging a grant of $350,000 for OLLI to re-build in a manner befitting what the Foundation termed "the best OLLI in the nation." With this large grant, OLLI will not have to use its Rainy Day Fund or Friends of OLLI funds. The $350,000 grant will allow OLLI to acquire--

    • An expanded, limited-access garden shed (photo at right) with locker room and showers for Landscaping Committee members to wash their dirty knees;
     • Three state-of-the-art modular classrooms, each fully equipped with the latest audiovisual hardware and its own restroom; and
     • A larger driveway with double the number of parking spaces, including a reserved covered car port for the executive director's pickup truck, and a replacement "grassy loop" with picnic bench and chairs for after-class Happy Hours.
ADDITIONAL SPRING CLASSES FOR MEN ONLY
DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND, OLLI has scheduled several three one-session classes FOR MEN ONLY that will start on Mon, Apr 7. A rush registration period will be held this week, so make sure you register by Fri, Apr 4. If this series is a success, OLLI may consider a similar series for women only.
     Following is a brief description of the new classes. Except for class 922, class size will be limited to 20 participants due to the difficulty level and the need to maintain secrecy. Classes will be filled based on the priority you assign to the class and, if a class is over-subscribed, by OLLI's normal computer-generated random method of selection.
 

920: Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other  Maintaining control of the TV remote helps to reinforce one's masculine identity, allowing a man to hunt for exciting channels while the little woman is gathering (or cooking dinner or taking care of the laundry). How does one deal with an assertive mate who repeatedly tries to take over the remote and will not easily surrender it? This class offers proven strategies for success, with little-known secrets revealed. After class graduation, class members are entitled to Help Line support and membership in a local support group at no charge. 921: The Toilet Paper Roll--How to Ensure Correct Installation A round-table discussion enhanced by a PowerPoint presentation about the efficiencies involved when the toilet paper roll is properly positioned so it rolls over the top toward you and not away from you, toward the wall (carefully observe the photo at left). OLLI's manners expert, Ms. Ollie Ettakit, will make a brief visit to point out the other side of the debate but to assure attendees that the toward-you installation is correct manners for everyone. Learn a fool-proof solution when you discover that your mate has installed the roll incorrectly.

922: A Celebration of Great Country Music
This class will meet at an off-site location where lucky attendees will be served by attractive waitresses in revealing country attire. Attendees will listen to and discuss some of the greatest country songs -- "music that tells a story." Class fee: $55.00 (includes bottomless glasses of beer and unlimited chips and nuts). A sampling of currently planned discussion music follows.

• "Here's A Quarter [Call Someone Who Cares]" (listen and watch on YouTube)
• "Put Another Log on the Fire [...and come and tell me why you're leaving me]" (listen and watch on YouTube)
• "Oh Lord It's Hard to be Humble [When You're Perfect in Every Way}" (listen and watch on YouTube)
  
• "I'm Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home [So You'll Feel More at Ease Here, and You Won't Have to Roam]" (listen and watch on YouTube)
• "Don't Squeeze My Sharmon [Don't Hold Her So Tight ... If Sharmon needs squeezing, then leave that to me]" (listen and watch on YouTube)
  

     Note: If there is sufficient interest, the Program Committee is considering a similar on-campus, non-fee class for women only that might feature such songs as--

• "It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels [... most every heart that's ever broken was because there always was a man to blame]" (listen and watch on YouTube)

OLLI RE-ORGANIZATION PLANNED
OLLI MEMBERS WILL SOON EXPERIENCE a long-overdue reorganization. An OLLI Czar will oversee the organization and operate through a select group of minions known as the Tom Swift Squad. According to the presumptive czar, the purpose of the reorganization is:

• Implement the "OLLI Technology Imperative."      • Enable the Board to be more responsive to technical requirements.      • Free up resources for technology enhancements from the "softer" areas (clubs, special events, etc.). One planned enhancement will be the credit-card swipers that will be needed to obtain a chair in any of the classrooms, thereby removing the complaints about lack of plush cushions from those who have to stand up.      • Enhance the member experience with mandatory courses in engineering and software development in the fall and spring terms.

     A recent sampling of members gathered around the A/V cabinet in TA-1 was overwhelmingly positive in support of the reorganization. The proposal will be approved by a special election in the near future. An email to members will announce the procedures for registration and voting at the start of the three-hour window for online balloting.
SOCIAL ROOM EXCHANGED FOR EXPANDED LIBRARY

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OLLI Secretary Susanne Zumbro and OLLI E-News Editor Rod Zumbro cavorting
inappropriately among two priceless works of arts,Leonardo Da Vinci's Mona Lisa
at The Louvre and Grant Wood's American Gothic at the Art Institute of Chicago

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